the story so far...

the path

You and I, we are on a path together. We were walking hand in hand as I followed you through a dense forest. You were leading me, showing me the beauty around us; I had never noticed it before till you arrived. As we walked, you showed me the path ahead, just enough for me to get a taste of what was in store. You told me of the place you were taking me, the top of the mountain, and of its immense beauty.

The sign on the path you brought me to said strenuous while all the other paths around said light, including the one you pulled me from. We moved ahead, up towards the peak. The trail was rough, steep, and narrow, but you were there for me. Then the rain began to fall, trees were falling all around me. The ground became slick and I slipped. I slid backwards down the path. “I have to get back,” I said as I fell to my knees. I couldn’t even stand. And you, you were still right beside me, even if from my perspective you were miles away.

And now I’m still on this rugged path, crawling…

I’m ready to get off of this roller coaster…

With all the highs come lows. We’ve all been taught this for the better part of our lives. I remember first hearing life described this way when I was becoming a teenager and my mother decided that I should go though a booklet to help me discover God as I grew and went through puberty. It’s sad to say, but most of the stuff didn’t stick like it should and I went off and did my own thing for a while.

One thing from this ‘course’ that I remember was that about how life can be a roller coaster, filled with ups and downs. For the most part, this is very true, not only for a Christian, but also for a non-Christian. We experience points in life where things cannot get any better. Other times, we really feel like we want to just crawl into a hole and die. For me, it’s been like this for the past few weeks. And I’m talking about some huge swings here and there.

I am getting a better understanding of why the wild swings are happening and how I need to try and combat them. Most of the craziness going on is from fighting my own thoughts. I have this tendency to over analyze certain situations and come up with different outcomes and adjust previous situations to my liking. In doing so, I’m trying to play the role of God, which is a very, very bad thing. The worst part of it all is that I tend to do this frequently. The frequency of all of this usually causes undue suffering and pain.

There is, however, something that helps with this: faith in God.

Look at what God has done over the course of…time. He’s created the world, created all life, and the universe. How can we not have faith in God to take care of the small stuff as well as the big? Our God is huge, larger than any concept we as humans have, and we still put God in a box and don’t place any faith in Him. He will take care of us and He will guide us through life as long as we have faith in Him and serve Him. I want to say it isn’t that hard, but it is. Giving up that feeling of control over our own lives is tough.

We want to be in control, make our own decisions, and live life how we want to. The thing is that God does have the control, whether we like it or not. Believing in God and having faith in Him won’t help in lessening the amount of peaks and valleys on this roller coaster, but He’ll make them much easier to stomach.

For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.

- Matthew 11:30

Singularity

Tonight’s bible study was very interesting, even if I didn’t think that I would get much out of it. The reasoning, tonight’s discussion was all about marriage. For someone who is currently single, this discussion is great if I get married on down the line. But for the moment, it’s only good to place in the data banks and save for later.

Forward to a conversation near the end of the bible study. We are talking about how any of this applies to single people. I knew this was coming, but the answer was a little different than what I was expected. And the verses used to back this up surprised me as well. I had never really looked at it from this perspective.

I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife, and his interests are divided. And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband. I say this for your own benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord.

-I Corinthians 7:32-35

Paul here is basically saying that if you can, don’t get married. Why? Because all of your focus is on God and not on any worldly things. Worldly as in temporal, since he’s saying that your mind will be on your spouse if you’re married. It’s not bad, it’s more your attention is split between God and your spouse. The interesting thing is what you can take away from this passage: focus all of your time on serving God while you are single. Not really revolutionary or anything, but the kicker is in the details.

Focusing your mind, body and soul on God will make you grow all the more closer to God. During this time, you might attract some attention, but for completely different reasons than most people are used to. Attracted to your devotion to God. I had never heard this passage spoken this way, and it completely blows out my mind that I never really got this before.

Now I’m not saying that you should just go out and serve God to hook up with someone. That’s not gonna work, since your heart isn’t in serving God and it’s more like you’re just looking to hook up with someone at your local church. And through serving God with all that you are, you’ll be blessed with how to also be spouse through selflessness. Truly serving God with everything you are will lead to God blessing you more than you can imagine.

I am ashamed that I am not able to locate the verse, and maybe someone can help me with it. The verse has to do with the rewards of faithfully being a servant of God and that He will take care of you. And we, as Christians, should know this to be true.

Lord, I pray that I focus my life, my being, my all on you for your glory. Everything else comes second.

Another Spurgeon devotion…

Song of Solomon 2:10 
Rise up my love, my fair one, and come away.

Lo, I hear the voice of my Beloved! He speaks to me! Fair weather is smiling upon the face of the earth, and He would not have me spiritually asleep while nature is all around me awaking from her winter’s rest. He bids me “Rise up,” and well He may, for I have long enough been lying among the pots of worldliness. He is risen, I am risen in Him, why then should I cleave unto the dust? From lower loves, desires, pursuits, and aspirations, I would rise towards Him. He calls me by the sweet title of “My love,” and counts me fair; this is a good argument for my rising. If He has thus exalted me, and thinks me thus comely, how can I linger in the tents of Kedar and find congenial associates among the sons of men? He bids me “Come away.” Further and further from everything selfish, grovelling, worldly, sinful, He calls me; yea, from the outwardly religious world which knows Him not, and has no sympathy with the mystery of the higher life, He calls me. “Come away” has no harsh sound in it to my ear, for what is there to hold me in this wilderness of vanity and sin? O my Lord, would that I could come away, but I am taken among the thorns, and cannot escape from them as I would. I would, if it were possible, have neither eyes, nor ears, nor heart for sin. Thou callest me to Thyself by saying “Come away,” and this is a melodious call indeed. To come to Thee is to come home from exile, to come to land out of the raging storm, to come to rest after long labour, to come to the goal of my desires and the summit of my wishes. But Lord, how can a stone rise, how can a lump of clay come away from the horrible pit? O raise me, draw me. Thy grace can do it. Send forth Thy Holy Spirit to kindle sacred flames of love in my heart, and I will continue to rise until I leave life and time behind me, and indeed come away.

-Charles Spurgeon

A response to the morning devotion…

I didn’t have the time this morning to comment on the devotion that I posted on ‘forgetting God’ and wanted to post some thoughts about it.

First off, I really haven’t posted much on this blog in quite a while and wanted to get back into writing my thoughts here. What brings me back and the reason for the post earlier was because of something I remembered. The sad truth is that we forget alot of what God actually does for us. Not just the little things that God blesses us with every day, the big stuff. The ‘this totally changes my whole worldview’ stuff somehow falls to the wayside. And it does happen way too often in our world.

This devotion really hit home for me because this time last year, I was in the middle of a very unpleasant situation: I was heartbroken and depressed about a series of events. Everything felt like it should have ended like I wanted it to end; that everything just felt ‘right.’ In truth, everything was completely wrong. At the time, I was pretty much numb to sin. I knew what was right and wrong, but still sided with what felt good and right. I hadn’t been to church in a great deal of time, hadn’t cracked open my bible, or even prayed in a great deal of time. And at the time, I was fine with that. I was running my own life, and things were going to be awesome. I am so happy right now that I was so wrong back then. After throwing all of my eggs into this one particular basket, everything fell apart. I was crushed, confused, beat down, and depressed because all of my best laid plans were shattered, the pieces stabbing into my heart, and I felt like I had nowhere to turn. Nowhere and no one except for God. God is awesome and I wish we all realized this more. Even when I knew that I deserved no kind of redemption, no forgiveness, God was still there waiting for me to turn around and run back to Him. And so I ran, but this time in the right direction.

Even after only a year, for me to forget what God has done for me is just sad. And God does this all of the time. We need to remember the trials and tribulations that God brings us through. The periods where we never thought we would make it and God still proves us wrong. We need these memories, not to get depressed about, but to remember that God did that. That God brought us through, made us stronger, made us rely on Him to make it. Do not forget what God has done for you.

I do apologize if this doesn’t make much sense since I am a terrible writer, even with practice. And if you read this whole thing, thank you and I hope you enjoyed it.

a morning devotion

It seems then, that Christians may forget Christ! There could be no need for this loving exhortation, if there were not a fearful supposition that our memories might prove treacherous. Nor is this a bare supposition: it is, alas! too well confirmed in our experience, not as a possibility, but as a lamentable fact. It appears almost impossible that those who have been redeemed by the blood of the dying Lamb, and loved with an everlasting love by the eternal Son of God, should forget that gracious Saviour; but, if startling to the ear, it is, alas! too apparent to the eye to allow us to deny the crime. Forget Him who never forgot us! Forget Him who poured His blood forth for our sins! Forget Him who loved us even to the death! Can it be possible? Yes, it is not only possible, but conscience confesses that it is too sadly a fault with all of us, that we suffer Him to be as a wayfaring man tarrying but for a night. He whom we should make the abiding tenant of our memories is but a visitor therein. The cross where one would think that memory would linger, and unmindfulness would be an unknown intruder, is desecrated by the feet of forgetfulness. Does not your conscience say that this is true? Do you not find yourselves forgetful of Jesus? Some creature steals away your heart, and you are unmindful of Him upon whom your affection ought to be set. Some earthly business engrosses your attention when you should fix your eye steadily upon the cross. It is the incessant turmoil of the world, the constant attraction of earthly things which takes away the soul from Christ. While memory too well preserves a poisonous weed, it suffereth the rose of Sharon to wither. Let us charge ourselves to bind a heavenly forget-me-not about our hearts for Jesus our Beloved, and, whatever else we let slip, let us hold fast to Him.

-Charles Spurgeon

an addendum…

I wanted to make sure that I made myself clear in regards to the last post. In no way was I trying to whine about my personal situation or that I really should just “give up” on relationships. I wanted to get across the fact that it’s all about God’s will for our lives, not ours.

Relating to this topic was the sermon Sunday at Apex. Ever since I’ve gone back, I have enjoyed every sermon and know that every sermon comes from Almighty God and His word. That said, Rob preached on waiting and the passages was from James 5:7-12.

This whole sermon brought to light how I was going about my own waiting process. Right now, I’m waiting to meet my future wife, waiting for a better job, waiting for a time when I will be financially secure, waiting for alot of temporary things. And that’s all they really are: temporary. There is one other thing that I am waiting on and that’s eternity.

The issue here is that when we go through life, how do we wait for the things that are temporary? If we are talking about me, then probably not so great. Right now, it would be awesome if I could find the right girl and get married and all that jazz, but I need to learn patience and wait on God. Same goes for anything else I’m waiting on.

One interesting thing that was said on Sunday was in concern to things we wait for. The question was asked that if the spouse, job, healing didn’t come, would we be ok with that? It’s a question with an easy answer; except for too many, it’s something we don’t want to hear. But it is a very valid question because everything that happens is within God’s will and for God’s glory.

And waiting doesn’t mean God isn’t working. Again, we don’t see everything that is going on. We don’t see the big picture behind a tough situation that we are in. We can’t see the outcome, so we hate waiting through the ‘in-between periods.’ The waiting times. We need to learn to trust in God in all things, believe in His will, and we’ll get through the times where we wait.

And all of this comes back to His will. His will is all that should matter to us as Christians. He will work with us in His time, not ours. And He will use us for His glory.

So, brothers and sisters, look to God in all things, and follow His commands. He will lead us, and at times, make us wait to show us our faults and sins we might not be aware of and allow us to grow in Him.

His will…

Something that I have been having issues with in my life and in regards to future planning is just trusting in God’s will. There is especially one area of my life I usually decide for myself what will happen. I hate to say it, but it’s in the area of a romantic relationship.

In the 26 years I have been alive (half way to 27) I have been in a dating relationship for a total of 3 months. So that’s about 3/312=.0096 or approximately 1% of my total life that I have been ‘involved’ with someone of the fairer sex. Putting it that way makes it that much more depressing, doesn’t it? This kind of view that I have regarding relationships and it isn’t a very good one since even at my age, I am very, very inexperienced. A little background:

-In high school, I was never really interested in dating, I was much more into just hanging out with the friends I had and never really went after any one female. I even had to be coaxed into asking someone to prom. I did enjoy my date, but any kind of relationship was a million miles from my mind.

-In college, things changed some. I was interested in a few ladies I knew, and actually dated one I was brave enough to ask. It ended in shambles.

-In and out of college, I’ve had issues with either keeping female friends or in any dating relationship. One lasted about 1-2 months but ended abruptly while the last one lasted mostly just a weekend. Both ended due to something I did (at least I presume so).

So here I am now, as I have done before, saying that I’ve completely sworn off women forever and that there is about 0% chance for me to get married, let alone find a girl who could stand being with me for more than a month or two. It’s really bad; I just got off the phone with my mother telling her that I will be single for the foreseeable future but I really meant that it’s about impossible for that to happen.

This is where God’s will comes in. How dare I say or even think something like that? Who am I, God? Of course not. I don’t know what will happen in the next 15 seconds let alone the next 15 years. Where do I get off on saying that I know of God’s plan for my life and just come out and say that I’m gonna just remain a bachelor the rest of my life?

And this is my struggle. I know God has a plan for me and I don’t want to remain stagnant in my walk, but I allow myself to think about what I have planned for the future and thinking about myself. Aka: Self-Centeredness. And it’s a bigger problem than most of us would like to admit.

In some way, we are all self-centered instead of Christ-centered. And this causes us too much trouble for us and our walk with Christ. We look at ourselves and what we want and how we want it and then bring it to God. That is in no way right, since we are totally focused on the things we want. I know that if we are following God and are seeking God’s will for our life, then the desires of our hearts will be what God desires for us (Psalm 37:4). And I think that’s what most of us miss.

It’s a little weird, since this type of topic has come up a few times in the past week. The role of God’s will on our lives and how far too many Christians look at God as an overflowing portable hole with all the stuff we want and many are things that are simply temporary.

I know I’ve gone on a real long tangent, but I hope I have made my point clear. Remember, alot of what I write is also a huge reminder to myself since it seems I forget too often everything that God has done in my life. And the point is to trust in God in every way in everything. Don’t try to plan out your future or think you know so much better than God as to what is going to happen. Don’t say this or that will or won’t happen, because we are clueless. We have no clue what’s gonna happen at any given moment.

We do have good guesses, but we aren’t God in any way. His thoughts are so much higher than we could ever imagine. Changes that are made we do not even see since we are always stuck in the short term or the day to day. God sees eternity and knows what’s going to happen and when. Give God the glory that He is our creator and that He’s the one in control. We aren’t.

So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. -Matthew 6:31-34 (ESV)